Expectations

I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately, and how we tie them to our happiness. I can look back on times that I was excited, joyful, optimistic- and those are usually times that something or someone met or exceeded my expectations. Conversely, the times I felt hurt, disappointed, dejected, or betrayed were usually because something, or usually someONE, didn't meet my expectations. I'll focus right now on our expectations of people.

I'm kind of funny in that I want and need my space, but I also crave intimacy with people. I've also trusted people too quickly and easily a lot of times in my life. That means that, without precedent to base my expectations on, I've taken for granted that someone would do X, or be Y, because they were my ________ or knew _________ . Then when things fall through, or in other words don't go the way I expected, I'm hurt or angry. I've spent too much time feeling badly about myself or someone else because they didn't do or say what I expected in a situation. . . or even worse, upset that they weren't the person I expected them to be.

How different would things be if I hoped for certain reactions or outcome, but only expected that what actually did happen would something for me to learn from. . . and ultimately, the only expectation I have is that I'll gather wisdom as I go along and react more appropriately to people? i.e., I hope that she'll be kind to me today. . . but if not I expect myself to try not to take it personally, and to remember today's interaction in the future so that I can be better prepared, and/or conduct myself differently. I hope that my husband will be home in time for dinner tonight, but I know he's doing his best and working so hard for us, so I expect myself to greet him with a smile and a kiss and a soft place to fall when he finally makes it here. See, I can really only realistically expect things of myself, because I am the only one that I am in control of. I can hope for things, but hope looks entirely different than expectation. I spoke about hope in church recently, and I plan to post that talk here shortly. 

So many times it isn't people who disappoint us, it's our own expectations. Adjusting our expectations is hard and can be painful. Sometimes it means confronting the way that people really behave instead of expecting them to be how or who we want them to, and sometimes that means their place in our lives needs to change. It means taking responsibility for how we feel and how we react. But that means ownership of our feelings, which moves us from a place of vulnerability to a place of power over our own happiness.