Out of the pan, into the fire.

Have you ever had a problem, or something you wanted to accomplish, and the solution seemed to be on the other side of something even worse? My typical reaction is to feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place, in a pickle, jumping out of the pan and into the fire. I'm kind of an Eeyeore by nature. Bless my mother, I was always a melodramatic child and especially teenager. I imagine that's been something a little annoying to the people around me, but it's not a whole lot of fun for me, either (yes, I totally see the irony in that statement).

One of my projects the last couple of years has been to re-frame how I see challenges. For instance, instead of challenges, we can see opportunities. I say "opportunity" tongue-in-cheek sometimes when things are really hard and life just kind of stinks, but really, if  I work at it I can see it that way. Even if I don't mean it at first. The words we use, even to ourselves, have a lot of power. I can say, "I should exercise today. . .", or I can say, "I want to keep getting stronger and keep the ground I've gained, so I'm going to work out."  I can say, "I should do the dishes", or I can say, "It want that monkey off my back, so I'm just going to get it done and enjoy a clean kitchen", or even better, "I want a peaceful atmosphere for my family, so I'm going to clean the kitchen now." See the difference? I'm not great at it, but it gets easier with practice.

Another thing is to really honestly see the chance for growth, gained wisdom, or exciting changes in the more difficult parts of life. Sometimes we do have to pass through sorrow to get through the joy; we have to walk through the fire. But is that such a bad thing? Fire refines, fire tempers, fire changes simple elements like sand and raw gold into beautiful art.  From a spiritual perspective, our loving Father lets us walk through trials of fire to bring out the beauty that we're meant to have. I can look back to who I was 5, 10, 15 years ago, and while I can love that girl, I'm sure glad I'm not her anymore. The heartaches, trials, loss, complications. . . the opportunities. . . progressively  change us into something stronger and more beautiful.

Name change and a little soul-bearing.

This blog has become more a blog about Jennifer than a blog about Jennifer's family. Which is okay. . . I'm just going to accept that it is just that, and let it progress in that direction. Someday maybe Matt and I will do a family blog. Right now I can't shake the thought that for me, and maybe for someone else, this will be a good place to share and keep record of this constant effort of mine to know better, do better, and be better.

"Do It Anyway". It's a phrase I've heard a lot, but it's a philosophy that I've taken to heart most recently. I think we all let things into our lives that block us from the paths we really want to take; or we allow those things that are unavoidably there, and not by our choice, to paralyze us from doing what we need to do to be who we want to be. That's what this blog will be about, at least for now. It's about getting out of bed and opening the curtains and taking care of my home even though I'm going through another depression. It's about loving and accepting my children for the unique, frustrating, wonderful people they are, even if they don't seem to appreciate it. It's about getting back on the elliptical machine or the yoga mat even though the scale isn't budging. And mostly it's about being grateful, and joyful, and anxiously engaged even when life seems tedious or scary or uncertain or hard. . . because really, the secret to joy is finding beauty in the storm clouds and peace in the chaos. It's seeing and accepting the not-so-fun parts of mortality and facing them with bravery and even gratitude and enthusiasm. Even when we don't feel like it. We do it anyway.

And so now I'll take my sweet 5-year-old to school, steal some snuggles from her little sister, and fluff the nest for my 8-year-old and my sweet husband to come home to, because I am so blessed to have a beautiful little home and people I love to fill it, and to be able to be here to do the carpooling and snuggling and nest-fluffing.

<3 J